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Listening to Your Restlessness

Have you ever stayed in a job just a little too long? Ignored your restlessness? Here’s how you do it.

Staying too long usually begins with some great experiences: Good people, opportunity and challenge, maybe some interesting travel. But you keep growing and changing—and maybe your company doesn’t grow and change in the same direction or depth. So you get a little uneasy and restless, and you start thinking about the whats and wheres and hows of your next steps. But you’re stubborn and loyal. So you decide to stay a little bit longer, trying several strategies over a period of months or even years.

Speaking from experience, I stubbornly tried the following strategies in my own staying-a-little-to-long-in-a-job phase several years ago. In retrospect, they were each necessary and refining in my own desires and process.

1. I questioned myself. “Come on Patty! Just comply with the way this place works.”

2. I tweaked my responsibilities. I found ways to spend more of my time doing the parts of the job I was still excited about.

3. I tried to keep learning skills and depth of character—even in the face of things that I was having a hard time reconciling.

4. And I tried just making other parts of my life better and richer so that I could demand less of my work hours.

Though each of those strategies was useful for a time, none was a permanent fix. In the final year or so I began to find ways to respect and pay attention to my restlessness in some new ways. Then I began to turn my stubbornness towards my own next steps which included leaving graciously and entering a new chapter of my life’s work.

If you can relate, or if you have questions, I invite you to join this month’s SeattleCoach Conference Call.

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The Free SeattleCoach Conference Call for March 2008:

“Thinking About Thinking About a Job Search”

On Monday, March 24 at 9:00a Pacific Time, I will host a free one hour SeattleCoach Conference Call. I’ll divide the time between some practical advice and your questions about your own process. If you’d like to join us, send me and email and write “SeattleCoach Conference Call” on the subject line. I’ll send you further instructions on how to join the call. peb@seattlecoach.com

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Quote of the Month

In a Norwegian fairy tale, a hero comes to a crossroads where there are three signs. The first sign says, “He who travels down this road will return unharmed and unchanged.” The second says, “He who travels this path has the option of returning, and may or may not returned unharmed and unchanged.” The third sign says, “He who travels here will never return and will most assuredly be profoundly changed.”

Which road would you choose this month?

Coaching Matters: February 2008

IN THIS ISSUE:

• Feature: Super Tuesday

• Story of the month

• Quote of the Month

• Q&A

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Super Tuesday

It's Super Tuesday and, like you I've been listening to candidates' speeches—listening for the stuff I can get behind. No one candidate has a corner on my personal market, but these are some of the convictions that get my Coach-like attention when I hear them:

1. The world, and our individual lives, works best when we each take personal responsibility for our "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". (Much better than delegating or abdicating that responsibility).

2. The best products and services are produced by people who are doing #1.

3. The most fulfilling compensation (financial and otherwise) results from #1 and #2.

4. And it's necessary to invest in staying safe from beliefs and philosophies and actions that focus on blocking, controlling or destroying #1, #2, and #3.

Knowing you, you'll have your own convictions to add, but those four are on my mind this Super-Tuesday morning. Let me know what you think.

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Story of the Month: Points #1-#4 in action

The little beach community where there's been a Burgin Beach House for most of the past forty years experienced a hurricane on December. For two days the wind blew steadily at 85 mph, gusting to 130 mph. Most people lost power, trees, news and the ability to travel for most of a week. They leaned on each other as the work of rebuilding began to come into focus.

In response, a few citizens called a "Storm Community Open Forum", and 350 of their neighbors showed up.

They met in the elementary school and broke into twenty-four small groups discussing everything from trees to emergency supply kits to how to keep track of their senior citizens and people with disabilities. Also they had a potluck. To read their story and their next steps as a community, check out their blog: www.eyeofthestormforum.blogspot.com.

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Quote of the Month

"Do one thing everyday that scares you."

Eleanor Roosevelt

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Q&A

Ask the Coach . . .

Do you have questions about working with a coach, or just pursuing more happiness in your life? Please send them to me. I can't do this Q&A thing without your Q's.

Q. I don't live in Seattle. Can I still work with you?

Dear "SeattleCoach,"

I've looked at your website and think we'd be a good match to work together. But I live on the East Coast. Is there anyway the phone could give us a solid enough connection?

Thanks,

Dan

A. Dear Dan,

Good question. The short answer is a resounding "yes!" Part of my training as a coach has been to listen more deeply than I ever used to—for words as well as for everything else that we use to communicate (energy, pauses, wonderings, etc.) I compare it to the skills that I imagine blind people must have to develop. Let me know if you'd like to run this question by my clients in Europe!

Be in touch,

Patty

January 08's "Top 5" From Patricia Burgin, SeattleCoach.com

Here's a list of the top five most requested--and used! articles from 2007.
If you’d like to request a copy, just click HERE and tell me which ones you would like me to send you.

1. "How to Have a Hard Conversation Softly"
2. "Four Ways to Set the Stage for a Great Relationship"
3. "The Six Stages of Change When You’re Re-Focusing Your Life"
4. "Getting to 'Whoosh': The Magic and Momentum of Inspired and Consistent and Well-Supported Effort"
5. "Finding an Amazing Intersection: What to Look for in a Great Job"

December's "Top 5" from Patricia Burgin, SeattleCoach LLC

This month: My Top 5 Non-Food Christmas Delicacies

Welcome to my Monthly “Top 5.” Every month my goal is to roll out five tried-and-true ideas, observations, suggestions or hunches that you will find creative, useful and brief.

At Christmas, I turn into a committed softy. Over time, I’ve learned that it’s best to just indulge my sentimentality by whole-heartedly and intentionally watching, reading and listening to stuff that I know will help me to a) laugh, b) be child-like, c) have tears to my eyes and quietness to my heart or d) all of the above.

And I love recruiting others to join me.

Now that you know that about me, and maybe share my fondness for embracing human sweetness along with your Christmas cookies, this month I’m revealing my “Top 5 Non-Food Christmas Delicacies”:

1. I listen to John Henry Faulk's 'Christmas Story'. First recorded and played on National Public Radio over thirty-five years ago, they still get requests for it. Some think it’s a little politically incorrect, but it makes my list anyway. Every year. Here’s the link: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1115979. Bet you’ll cry too.
2. I watch “A Christmas Story”. Produced in 1983, it’s the story of a nine-year-old imaginative dreamer in the weeks before Christmas in the mid-1950s. This will make the most sense for you if you’re over forty-five years old. You’ll remember.
3. I read—aloud with friends if I can pull an audience together (takes about forty-five minutes)—The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson. How do the ‘worst kids in the history of the world’ end up in the church Christmas pageant? And why can’t anyone stop them from participating? And how is it that everyone (including firefighters, church ladies, the Reverend and the sanctimonious) ends up calling it ‘the best Christmas pageant ever?’ The book is better than the movie. You’ll laugh.
4. I watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas”. First produced in 1965, the music is right up there in my book with my favorite Carols. If you want to follow along, the Christmas Story Linus reads is found in the Bible in Luke Chapter 2. If possible, watch this with a child.
5. And in case you thought she could only be a cynical wise cracker, a young Dorothy Parker wrote in 1928, “The Maid-Servant at the Inn.” (i.e. the inn that had no room for Mary and Joseph):

“It’s queer,” she said, “I see the light
As plain as I beheld it then,
All silver-like and calm and bright—
We’ve not had stars like that again!

“And she was such a gentle thing
To birth a baby in the cold.
The barn was dark and frightening—
This new one’s better than the old.

“I mind my eyes were full of tears,
For I was young, and quick distressed,
But she was less than me in years
That held a son against her breast.

“I never saw a sweeter child—
The little one, the darling one!—
I mind I told her when he smiled
You’d know he was his mother’s son.

“It’s queer that I should see them so—
The time they came to Bethlehem
Was more than thirty years ago;
I’ve prayed that all is well with them.”

Here’s to a Holiday season that invites us to experience all of the loveliness and poignancy of this wonderful life we’ve been given.

Now, since I’m a coach and always interested in action, email me one of your own favorite “delicacies”!

As always, you are welcome to call me and schedule a complimentary thirty minute conversation. We'll talk about how a good coach could support and challenge you as you move into 2008.

November's "Top 5" from Patricia Burgin, SeattleCoach LLC

This month: My Top 5 Ways to
Practice Thanksgiving Out-Loud

Sometimes the Holidays have a tendency to be more external than internal—more busy and superficial than about our hearts and relationships. Of all the Holidays, I think our best chance to get it right is Thanksgiving.

Here are my “Top 5” ways to practice Thanksgiving out-loud in your relationships.

1. Acknowledge them. This means commenting on their character: the core that has helped them to create a life you admire. Call, write a note or just look them in the eye and tell them how cool you think they are.
2. Celebrate wins and milestones. This is where the toasts and the high-fives come in. (It’s possible to do this on the phone.)
3. Appreciate their effort and thoughtfulness. The more specific the better.
4. Believe and expect that these people have gifts for you. They do. Think about what you would look like if you walked in the door on Thanksgiving looking like you expected that.
5. And if you’re a person of faith, take yourself on a walk. And as you breathe in the crisp fall air, thank God for being an affectionate, challenging, creative and steady companion.

Now, since I’m a coach and always interested in action, I challenge you to be ready to take the risk of trying one of these when the moment comes. I guarantee it will--you will recognize it when it does.

As always, I’d welcome the chance to schedule a complimentary thirty minute conversation with you. We'll talk about how a good coach could support and challenge you as you move ahead personally and professionally.

The Monthly "Top 5"--Taming the Critical Voices in Your Head

As I work with smart, successful and motivated leaders, I’ve noticed that every one of them wrestles with an inner critic. This is a little nagging “gremlin” of a voice whose job is to resist real change. I bet you have one too.

Here are five common messages I hear from my clients’ “gremlins.”

1. “You’re not that (good, smart, disciplined, loveable, etc.)”

2. “ You’re too (old, young)”

3. “You’ve always been (a bad listener, impatient, sloppy with money, etc.)--it’s just the way you are”

4. “You can’t make a change in your career now—think of (your parents’ dreams for you, your mortgage, your years of education, etc.)”

5. “This is just too big of a challenge for you. You’ll (fail, be embarrassed, do something disastrous, etc.)”

These gremlin voices are persistent and can be convincing. Sometimes they even speak in the first-person voice. But they are not nearly as big and compelling as your soul’s truest, highest best voice---and if you’re a person of faith, they’re not as big as God’s either!

Here’s what I ask my clients to do with their critical voices: Give that voice something to do, some other place to be--imagine asking it to physically put itself elsewhere.

One of my clients is a pilot. A good one. She’s so good that her company gave her a new aircraft to fly. That’s when her critical voice got busy (see message #5). “So,” I said. “What do you want to say to that voice?” My smart, successful, motivated client thought for a moment and then, with a combination of authority and mischief, she said, “There’s an old airplane on the far side of the field that no one ever flies. When I’m getting ready for a flight in the new aircraft, I’m going to tell that gremlin to go sit in it, maybe make airplane noises. I can’t have him going up with me.”

Like this pilot, you may have to repeat the instructions frequently at first, but that critical voice in your head will comply, especially as you continue to move forward in the direction of the growth and challenge and change you desire.

Call me to schedule a complimentary thirty minute conversation. We'll talk about how a good coach could support and challenge you as you move ahead.